Dear Shabi’s

11th February 2020

Yet again it was Smashie to lead from Midhurst and with the promised attendance of Genghis himself, many were thinking of staying away but at the last minute our man had a call to do some pillaging in Little Snoring-on-sea and so had to bow out.

So it was Smashie to RM (again!!) with Chuff as DRM, LBD, Daring Daisy, Tonka, Dobbie, Strangley Brown and Captn Frackbladder. We set of in good time and go straight up the “false flat” known as Bexley Hill. Careful riding required to avoid some very deep mud.

Very soon the bikes were grinding away and it seemed only a matter of time before we had a mechanical failure. Dobbie had changed his brake pads and had failed to reset the calliper pistons so the pads “rubbed” against the disk as he rode along. Oh he suffered and suffered some more.

Then the Finning Farm decent which was extra fun as the heavy rain had scoured out the path revealing rocks and roots etc – a few “sketchy” moments for all but oh what fun we had. LBD noted that he performed his largest 'Tokyo Drift' to date.

Then the walk of deep mud as we head towards Lodsworth. Even in the height of summer this section is muddy so after the rain … it was diabolical. We then freewheel at maximum speed through Lodsworth but riders who failed to keep their mouths shut got a nasty surprise as mud was flung off the tyres as we race downwards.

Past Lodsworth church and down towards the “halfway House” pub. Why do we never set off from this pub? – very expensive and poor service – not recommended.

Then onto the road past the sawmill we pass a road closed sign but being the reckless rule breakers that we are, we speed on. Other motorists do likewise but as we reach the bridge the road is well and truly blocked for cars … but not for bikes. The SHABI’s bask in total smugness as the motorists perform the U turn of shame.

Unbeleiveably, having made excellent progress, the SHABI’s volunteer for more miles and so the RM heads off into the dark blackness of beyond. Some really energy sapping riding through some more mud and Dobbie’s brake issue has left our hero depleted so the timetables starts to become very tight.

No matter, we arrive back in the carpark with “time running out” but make it to the meal and the usual order for a Pizza with spinach and an egg on top, à la Faff cheeks.

BINKY BYKEKNUT – A Cycling legend answers your questions

In this feature, Binky will fearlessly tackle any personal or technical issues you might have (these can be submitted via the SHABI Whatsapp group)

Dear Binky,

Does continually riding through deep mud wear my bike out?

Yours LBD of Aberdeen

Dear LBD,

Yes

Hope this helps

Binky

Dear Binky,

If I put on extra weight will I have an advantage to enable me to beat others in the “freewheel face off” competition? I always come in last.

What do you recommend?

Yours faithfully

P of Liphook

Dear P,

It’s a good call and as you can tell, I have been using the “look like a fat bastard” technique to assist when I am faced with a “freewheel face off” competition. Its worked for me.

However, the rules for a Freewheel face off are quite clear:

1. Pedalling is not permitted

2. Cheating is permitted at all times

3. Holding onto another rider is permitted

4. Barging, blocking and distraction are all legitimate tactics

5. The first one to the finish is the winner unless disqualified for cheating by the course referee (normally the RM)

Personally, I think if you are the size of a house; no one can get past you AND your weight means you can barge others out of the way.

Conclusion – maximise your calorie intake and take no exercise at all. There might be a small residual risk of heart attack – but it will be worth it if you are the World Freewheel face off Champion

Hope this helps

Binky

Scores on the doors….

I Love you all

Smashie X