Wales Oct 19

Updated: Apr 8

Dear Shabi’s

25th – 27th October – The SHABI’s visit Wales


It was stupid O’Clock in the morning in the sleepy towns and villages of Hampshire and Surrey and all was quiet but then, without warning, the roar of high emission diesel and petrol engines fills the atmosphere as the SHABi’s set off for Wales.

Despite the red/amber high flood and torrential rain warnings and advice from the BBC to stay indoors, nothing, but nothing, was going to get in the way of a day of downhill riding at Bike Park Wales. Well I say that, but Genghis felt the risk of sunburn to be “high” and therefore decided to forego the trip

So the riders now included; Smashie and Chuffy in the new van, Love Bus Driver in the Love Bus, Daisy, Fracker, Faff Cheeks, Ming and our very own C2C7.

The groups reached BPW in various stages and instead of sticking to the plan of meeting at the café, everyone gets straight on with riding the trails. Daisy was not happy about this and expressed his feelings in BLOCK CAPITALS.

The conditions at BPW were shall we say, “a little damp”, with heavy dew causing rivers of water to run down the trails. Water seemed to be oozing out of the mountain from every possible crevice.

So we start the trails with Chuff and C2C7 anxious to “do some red” whilst Smashie was determined not have any crashes so soon in the weekend being unable to see with his glasses on (misted up and covered in mud and rain drops) or see with them off (systematic overindulgence in pleasuring himself from a young age has rendered our Smashie very short-sighted).

It takes a while and soon enough reports come in that Daisy has taken a tumble and Chuffy runs his pedals down the back of his legs – there is blood but both our heroes carry on regardless.

So we meet up at the Café for lunch. It is here that we witness one of those life changing shocks that means it will never be the same again. Ming has a BPW burger and declares it was “quite tasty”. For a man who normally eats wholemeal cardboard and slimline water this is very shocking.

We find out that the uplift now operates all day without a break so before Daisy can make it back, the rest of us bugger off to do some more trails leaving Daisy to curse once more as this was clearly a deviation from the plan AGAIN. The SHABI’s are bollocked for illegal riding on the road – we claim we are idiots and all is forgotten. Some riders get to ride on the Mega uplift bus – Its big.

The light is now fading and the “uplift” buses are now only patronised by SHABI’s as the rest have all gone home. We decide to do one final run and meet a chap with an anemometer measuring wind speed on the top. He measures 32 mph and when asked, confirmed that at 33mph the park is closed. We decided to do another run just for the hell of it but without Chuffy who suffers from a brake calliper failure. All reds and blues completed including; Poppety Ping, Melted Welly, Roller Disco, First bump, Terry’s Belly, Blue Belle and Sixtapod – oh yes.

Paul meets his best friend – a lady from work of whom he has the highest professional respect – ask him about her when you next meet him. He talks a lot in Anglo-Saxon.

We arrive at the café/offices/bike shop and find Chuffy weeping on the ground. His pads are worn through to the metal. So he buys a new set for £75.90 (BPW prices) and we try and get his bike back together. We borrow a special tool to force the brake calliper pistons back into place but they resist and resist. Bearing in mind the light was fading, it was pissing with rain, and this was a clear case of poor/inadequate maintenance, I must commend all those who stuck with it and got those flucking pistons back into the calliper.

Hero points for Faff Cheeks for borrowing the jet wash whilst no-one was looking and washing anything that looked like a bike that belonged to a SHABI.

Then the painful but very necessary changing into some dry clothes and putting the bikes away ready for Saturday.

We set the Satnav’s for the Penhros Arms and head for deepest darkest Wales. Coming over the Brecon Beacons we admire huge plumes of water cascading down the hills – really impressive. The van is running on fumes, as is C2C7, so we divert off to find the Fuelling station in the middle of nowhere. We don