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  • Writer's pictureLBD

Red Lion in Chalton, 1 Nov

As winter riding sets in Shabi logic turns to clothing and equipment. The bike is still our best friend, but we still need to look good and of course look where we are going! That brings me on nicely to our recent ride from the Red Lion in Chalton where a first misdemeanor point was earnt by our new recruit Master LGBT. LGBT, listen up, it is imperative during the winter months where darkness beholds us, that you can still continue to admire the attire of the other Shabis. Setting forth with Chinese luminaire will result in only fleeting glances of the peleton, and after a while diddly squat, Master LGBT take heed, sort out your lights! Lecture over!!

When it comes to lights - 'be more slumpy'

Now to clothing, as it gets wet, cold and miserable out there clothing needs to have an ex factor. I’m not talking about spand-ex, lat-ex, or indeed pyr-ex. If you want to keep warm and dry, Goretex is your friend on the ride, spandex is a close second, save the latex for the pub after the ride, or preferably keep it at home. Looking good is Shabi gospel, power dressing is the de rigueur, be prepared, you never know when a Show Down will be called.

If in doubt, consult BINKY for clothing advice

Anyhow, enough faffing about clothing, others are much better than me on such matters, so I will instead turn to reporting on the ride. As already mentioned, the Red Lion was our port of call. The weather was shite so a few sick notes were received prior to pedal off, nevertheless, 10 Shabis was a healthy turn out:

1. TsJ RM


3. Mrs Doyle

4. Tonka

5. Smashie

6. Slumpy

7. SB

8. LBD

9. Big Ring

10. Gary Numan DRM

Off we set at 1830, dry conditions (well it wasn’t raining, some surface water was present). Onto a chalky descent and then a hill with an upward profile. Conditions under tyre becoming more moist, still dry though, oh hang on, is that rain? Oh yes indeed, it’s that cat and dog variety which is extra dampish.

Yes, there may have been a couple of puddles here and there

Head down, increase the pace, lets find some cover is the RMs logic. Show Down is the shout from behind! Show Down Show Down!! On no, its that blimmin’ Smashie calling for a kit inspection. I’m not stopping, I’m wearing a latex gimp outfit this evening as the goretex is in the wash, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear him.

Everyone has 10 seconds to bring their heart rate down to below 180 BPM - and then we're off!

Time is getting on, we reach the top of the big hill and then enter another hill into QE park. A lap of the MTB blue trail is taken on, at least I think it was the blue, there were so many leaves on the track it could have been a loop of the A3.

QE was like this - but in the dark and slightly damper:

Anyhow, it was all safely negotiated and then we headed out the backside of QE and then onto the Red Lion at exactly 20:30hrs. phew!!

Drying off and dressing for dinner was undertaken in the car park. Into the pub and Strangely Brown engaged in some chat with the Landlady. After 2 minutes he was able to report to the other Shabis her whole life story. Not only was she selling Christmas meals at £85 a pop, she was also fully booked from September, both her and her husband Wayne have Haemorrhoids, and she has a passion for spray cream to ease the rubbing on her bunions. Thank goodness our meals arrived before Strangely could learn more.

Meals all looked in order, however, there was some disappointment raised. Big Ring is not a fan of food stacking, even if it’s not his meal. Let’s hope the Deer’s Hut have advanced warning not to put sprouts on top of his turkey twizlers.

Bills settled, drinks downed, out the door before 2200hrs.

Pub rating: Good.

- Clarification note: Smashie was shouting Slow down, not Show Down. Doh, sorry about that.

'You're Welcome' TSJ 2022

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