Dearest SHABI’s.

It was a fair to middling ride but before we talk about the ride there is an

As Temporary Vice under Chaiman of the “Nicknames and Disciplinary sub-Committee” formed under the rules set out in the SHABI Rule Book part 4 sub-section C Appendix 4 the aforesaid committee hereby issue a SUMMONS as follows:

SUMMONS issued by the Nicknames and Disciplinary sub-Committee

For committing of the heinous crimes of MURDER and to be specific

Bunnycide with malice aforethought that took place in the Car Park of the Hinton Arms Public House nr Cheriton in Hampshire on 22nd April 2024 at about 18:20 hrs

Attempting to pervert the course of justice by mutilating the body and moving the aforesaid bunny corpse to somewhere else.

Working in concert with other parties to avoid justice.

The evidence so far as compiled by two former Law Enforcement Operatives Detective Chief Inspector Tonka “the guvnor” Chuckles and Detective Inspector (special crimes against Bunny’s) Chuff “the evidence destroyer” Gotightly.

1. A witness recalled a Skoda Yeti being revved incessantly and driven backwards and forwards over the body of a bunny rabbit

2. Another witness identified Lootenant Dan moving the lifeless body of a bunny from the rear of his car to rear of the adjacent parked vehicle, pointing at the driver od said vehicle and saying “look what you have done …you’ve killed a bunny”.

3. A further witness reports that a person fitting the description of Mr F Cheeks was observed parking his vehicle as far away as possible from the crime scene having arrived in the car park at least 10 minutes after the lifeless body of the Bunny had been discovered.

4. Mr and Mrs Albert Bunny of Rabbit Warren Castle, Cheriton identified the body as being that of Flopsy Bunny and one of their 219 other children and that he will be missed for a minute or two.

So makes the case for the prosecution and a hearing will be held at the Green Dragon to hear all the evidence and find the accused guilty as charged.

Note - Just as an FYI = Here is the AI image prompt - followed by the AI image generated from that propmt:

In the interests of justice both Mr Dan and Mr F Cheeks are invited to appoint legal representatives. The prosecution case will be led by the Lord Points Master (the usual Prosecuting authority) and this may be delegated to someone else.

The Jury will be made up of fellow riders and anyone else who wants to join in. There will be a victim statement from someone before sentencing.

There are a range of sentences when the accused are found guilty, and if the crime is considered particularly heinous, a change of nickname may be the sentence. The LPM will have the final say.

Now onto the ride.

It was a glorious 13 riders including: Smashie Rm, Dobbie DRM, Whoops a Daisy, Slumpy and his carer Tonka, Mr and Mrs Kate Bush, Slash, Argy, Chuff, Nursie, Gary Newman and BIG RING.

We set out roughly on time and head past the duck pond and then along the banks of the River Rother before we head into “the Roughs” where your RM took the Peleton on a vibrant tour of the single track giving the impression of being an expert RM whilst in fact being totally lost. The special map phone had to be consulted and there were a few retreats BUT nevertheless everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves or at least gave that impression.

We emerge from the woods roughly where the RM expected and bimble through the suburbs of Heyshott narrowly avoiding being taken out by a fleet of Film trucks. Then through Manor farm and we bimble along the base of the downs in a bucolic trance observing wild flowers, lambs gambolling in the grass and a large herd of deer snoozing in the fields. However, this trance is shattered and the deer run for their lives and the lambs rushed to their mums for shelter as 13 riders go past. Simply sublime riding through the grassy meadows.

We reach the base of “Golder Coombe Bottom” and then have to negotiate much trickiness in the form of a sunken path with slippy root drop offs, slippy chalk and general all round difficulty but our heroes get through eventually and we arrive at Graffam.

Due to getting lost and much time spent talking bollocks we were running a tad behind schedule and so we head for home with a bit of road to Wiblings Farm and thence through “Shrublands” to Selham Common.

We stop to admire the specialist drag racing adaptions to the tractors and we wish TsJ was with us to share the moment. We haven’t forgotten you TsJ and wish you the best

Then back along the road and Whoops a Daisy is on empty so we take our time. Sadly I have to report Misdemeanor Points for Nurse Brown and Chuffy for “disobeying the RM”. The Lord Points Master has verified the points deduction and has issued a stern warning both verbally and by wagging his finger at them both in unison.

We get back to the car park and head straight into Fratelli for excellent food. There is much discussion about the recent “bunny murder situation” and there is much reflection as to how such an awful crime could have been committed by one of our own and that justice must be done.

Allelluia to that!

I  love you all

♥

Smashie

BINKY BYKEKNUT – A Cycling legend answers your questions using Binkychat A&E™

In this feature, Binky will fearlessly tackle any personal or technical issues you might have (these can be submitted via the SHABI Whatsapp group using Artificial Intelligence

Dear Binky,

I have been issued with a summons for the murder of a Bunny Rabbit called Flopsy.

Is this just a joke?

Lootenant “the bunny murderer” Dan

Dear Lootenant “the bunny murderer” Dan

You would be well advised to attend the hearing and defend yourself otherwise you might be sentenced to a new nickname – that won’t be nice

Hope this helps

Binky