05 January 22 – Duke of Cumberland
Blog 05 January 2022 – Duke of Cumberland – winter riding at its best
The King Edward Sanitorium and the decent of certain death
The SHABI First aid, rider safety and wellbeing sub-committee makes the following polite but assertive request that all riders shall;
1. During the ride; carry a first aid kit with them including a thermal blanket (learning from Major Meccano’s little tumble)
2. Co-operate fully with the Lord Points Master and others to gather next of kin details.
It was just as cold and miserable as you can get. Not cold enough to freeze but equally not a glimmer of warmth in the air or on the ground. This contrasts with the warm greeting from all the SHABI’s after a festive holiday and everyone was looking forward to shedding those Christmas excesses. In a strange sort of way the miserable conditions were the Ying to the cheery riders Yang.
So, it was Smash as RM with Chuff as DRM along with; Faff, LBD, Strangely, TsJ, Dobbie (for it was he), Lecky Lee, Tonka, Slash and incredibly – yes it was Genghis himself. We welcome new rider Simon aka Kate.
However, before we tackle the ride, lets talk about the riders and this week’s in-depth profile is a relatively new rider Lecky Lee.
Lecky Lee is a legendary chef and before we go onto describe his own culinary exploits its worth visiting the Lee family tree which extends back to biblical times. We have all heard of the miracle of the Fish and the loaves of bread feeding the 5,000 which is often attributed to the Baby Jeeesus but the facts on the ground were so different.
Mrs and Mrs Lee had set up a “refreshment pie wagon” on the shores of the sea of Galilea and it was they who performed the much-fabled miracle of serving up food for the multitudes.
It was tough job and Mr and Mrs Lee were up to it. They were somewhat disappointed when Jeesus failed to give them a mention at the sermon on the mount and noted that not a single so called “Christian” gave a good rating on Google.
The Lee family next pop up in the battle of Hastings. As everyone knows it was the French that pretended to “run away” in confusion and defeat so luring the hardy Anglo Saxons to charge down the hill to their doom. The reality is that the Anglo Saxons thought the French were going to get to the ”olde Englishe Pubic Haus” first …. and eat all the pies.
You’ve guessed it; It was the Lee family running that pub, and the pies were so good, it resulted indirectly to the defeat of King Harold. To this day it’s a source of shame to the Lee family and not mentioned.
More Lee family highlights
Was Anne Boleyn executed so Harry could marry another woman …no Ms Boleyn ate all the pies and left Harry with none. Execution was inevitable
Spanish Amada – brilliant tactical seamanship by Sir Walter Raleigh did not win the day ..it was British cannons loaded with extra deep fill beef and potato pies supplied by the Lee Company that devasted the Spanish ships
Waterloo – tactical incompetence by Napoleon or British resolve reinforced by British made pies supplied by the Lee Pie and chip company.
American Civil war was over abolition of slavery – nope …. The Lee family and their pies started and finished that one as well.
So that brings us to our hero and the subject of this in-depth profile, Lecky Lee. Lecky is a Michelin star chef and is currently impressing restaurant critics the length and breadth of the land with imaginative signature dishes such as;
1. Pie and chips
2. Ratatouille pie
3. Pie au Vin
4. Poached Pie with a soft egg on top
5. Pizza Pie – aka Calzone
So impressed are the SHABI Food and healthy eating committee that they have promoted Lecky to Chief dietary adviser for after ride meals. Please join me in congratulating Lecky Lee in this fantastic appointment that no one even knew was vacant.
So onto the ride and the RM managed to make it out of the pub carpark but got lost tin the Golf course carpark. Despite his suggestions that this was a reconnaissance in force, everyone knew this ride was going to go badly wrong from the get go.
So on we went through the golf course and then tackle the first ascent up to Kettlebury Hill. We descend to Hounddown Bottom and Lecky Lee takes a tumble. The RM suspects that must have hurt as the trail was rocky and knarly but our hero claims tis but a scratch.
Disaster. Tsj has a puncture and your blogger must sadly report that the puncture was due to TsJ failing to replace his tyre in a timely manner, the one in place being as bald as a coot. Misdemeanour point for TsJ awarded with no appeal.
TsJ is distraught but Strangely, who has been romantically linked with TsJ, was able to offer the comfort only a man can offer ie told him to stop blubbing and get on with it. (Your blogger now thinks this might be true love rather than a one-night stand)
With time now short, the RM declared Hammer time and we enter Thursley National Nature reserve. Surprisingly we end up on a superb bit of twisty downhill single track. Much praise for the RM all around who says nowt about being completely lost. Then towards Warren Mere and we skirt the ponds and head through Ockley Common and Elstead Common. Our Health and Safety Officer is not riding through injury, so it was fortuitous that the RM, being lost again, failed to direct the peleton along the usual boardwalk route which is still unrepaired.
At this point, and in fact for some time previously, Genghis was suffering from “post-Christmas fat belly syndrome” and was heroically trying to keep up. Luckily our plucky DRM, Chuff, was on hand to give gently guidance and encouragement. Your blogger understands many absent riders might also be suffering from the same syndrome, but please come along for a ride. You know it makes sense.
Then Woolfords Lane and final ascent of Yagdens Hill before the final blast past Stockbridge Ponds and back to the Duke of Cambridge.
Unfortunate shortages of certain menu choices did lead to some unseemly brawling in the ranks and sadly TsJ and Strangley have fallen out of love ..again! Its hard to keep up with this “on off” romance that passes for love these days.
I love you all ♥
Scores on the doors
BINKY BYKEKNUT – A Cycling legend answers your questions
In this feature, Binky will fearlessly tackle any personal or technical issues you might have (these can be submitted via the SHABI Whatsapp group)
Gone on holiday – back soon with more answers to your questions.