09 Apr, The White Horse, aka, The Pub with no name, aka Slumpy's Ride, (14,8)
Updated: Apr 17, 2019
Blog for 9th April 2019 – Slumpy’s ride:
Once again its time to focus our attention on one of our number and who better than the Ladies favourite from the antipodes, Slumpy.
Born in 1798, the eldest son of Mr and Mrs Slumpy, originally from Lambeth before the family were transported to the colonies for the heinous crime of loitering with intent to use a pedestrian crossing.
Anyway Slumpers grew up in a loving household which worked mainly with sheep (some sort of counselling service I think, but Slumpy is a bit vague on this point). However, it was not long before the Motherland called our hero away from the land of Sheep, and duly, he turned up in Blighty with his usual “can do” attitude. Being skilled at many things he has worked with the high and mighty but he is no-one’s patsy. In one celebrated incident, he was invited by the Estate Manager to refer to Lord Privilegedbutstillstupid as “your Lordship” and when our Slumpers addressed him as “Sir” promptly got the sack. This only goes to show how principled and high minded our man is, in fact he is a HERO.
Having read this far, I am sure you are full of expectation for news of a SHABI ride named after this very person, indeed you might even be regretting that you had to stay at home to deal with that tricky nasal hair problem.
This ride was dreamt up by Slumpy, lobbied for with the Lord Points Master by Slumpy who also convinced the rest of the Peleton to ride from the Trooper Inn Nr Petersfield.
What could go wrong?
Well firstly the RM (Smashie) called the Trooper Inn to check if food was served up to 8.45. The answer machine response (spoken in a faux Thai accent) went “…you want know what time open? Read website. …. Leave message” perhaps he should have added “….and fluck off”. Genghis also tried, but also failed, so the ride began from the White Horse aka the pub with no name who were more than accommodating on the food – more of this later.
Cometh the hour and cometh; Slumpy, Tonka, Plastic Man, Chuffy, Sir Fallalot, Smashie (RM), Genghis and all were ready but no Algy – he screams into the carpark sending riders leaping for cover 5 minutes after the 6:30 “ready for pedal off” deadline – there will be misdemeanour points.
So we set off with Smashie in the RM position using a satnav application on his phone, and although many were sceptical, progress was good if a little halting. Disaster, Plastic Man, having retired after 100m of the last ride, has another drive train failure. He had a slightly mad expression on his face saying he had been promised by the bike shop his bike had been fully tested. Yet here he was, with a failed drive train and with the rest of the Peleton looking on with pity. If looks could kill the local bike shop is in trouble.
Never mind, Smashie to the rescue telling Plastic Man to ride the remainder of the route on the Big Ring – sorted in more ways than one. Not only did his bike now work perfectly but
Plastic Man is now to be known as BIG RING (PS he turned his nose up at this new nickname – so it’s the right one!).