Dearest SHABI’s

Its only once in a lifetime that anyone is privileged to experience the dawn of a truly momentous change in our society. I have had an unbelievably generous gesture from Binky Bykeknut himself to try out his new Artificial Intelligence “Chatbot” which as you will see, is simply a game changer in the way that the Internal Combustion Engine has revolutionised knitting. Sit down and prepare to be amazed – you may need to take those pills recommended to prevent whatever it is you have flaring up again.

BinkyChat A&E™ runs through your Browser linking into a “super-duper” computer based in a cloud. Binky claims that in a matter of minutes Binkychat A&E™ will write a blog accurately relaying what has happened on any particular date anywhere the world – impressive!

First of all you have to create the standard username and password (Username is Smashie and Password is ******)

Next you have to feed in some data so here goes:

1. Where did the ride start? – Post Office car park in Midhurst

2. Which pub hosted the post ride meal? – The Wheatsheaf

3. Who was riding? – Smashie RM, Nurse Brown DRM, Major Meccano, Johnny Cash (boy

named Sue in case you were wondering), Tonya, Slumpy, Mrs Doyle and Big Ring

Next you download the .GPX file from Strava and press submit.

It takes a little while for Binkychat A&E™ to trawl through the Interweb from the dawn of time and the latest data held is from January 2023 so its more than a match for the latest offerings from Google and Microsoft.

So two weeks, three days, four hours and thirteen minutes later here is the Binkychat AE™ blog for 14 th February 2023.

Dear SHABI’s and other faiths, gender orientations, ethnic backgrounds and Manchester United supporters,

The 14th February is traditionally Valentines day and the 8th-century Gelasian Sacramentary recorded the celebration of the Feast of Saint Valentine on February 14. The day became associated with romantic love in the 14th and 15th centuries when notions of courtly love flourished, apparently by association with the "lovebirds" of early spring. In 18th-century England, it grew into an occasion for couples to express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines").

Major Meccano and Johnny Cash are understood to be Valentines and are expected to get married and have children – how romantic is that!

The Wheatsheaf Public House dates back to 1621, with parts of the pub formerly the Squire’s Chapel of a Catholic church (now a function room for private hire). The saying “The cold is Gods way to burn more Catholics” was first coined in this very pub.

So onto the ride and the first place of historical note was pointed out by the RM which was the disused Midhurst to Pulborough branch line: The LSWR (former Petersfield Railway) and the LBSCR (former Mid-Sussex and Midhurst Junction Railway) had two separate stations in Midhurst, not far apart. A goods-only connecting line, 11 chains in length, was made and opened on 17 December 1866. Anyway it closed in the 1950’s never having made any serious profit over 100 years in existence.

Next the Peleton head over Shitshank common and over the cliff of Doom. A short retreat was called by the RM but no-one surrendered and the Redcoats triumphed at the Battle of Balaclava.

Then a river crossing and Johnny Cash nearly has a dunking as her E-bike struggles in the deep mud after crossing a tributary of the river Ganges. By the way it is confirmed by the Diversity, Inclusion and Equality officer that Johhny Cash has self-identified as “not being a Witch”. Everyone respects her valid life choices.

Then through the woods and the bears and wolves take down some back markers but everyone survives to freewheel past the Three Moles pub; The Three Moles was built by William Townley Mitford and opened in 1872 as ‘The Railway Inn’. After 6 months the name was changed to ‘The Three Moles’ and to this day remains the only pub in the world with this name! The pub was built to serve Selham Rail Station on the opposite side of the road which later closed in 1955.

Next we cross over the remains of the Midhurst Canal and we learn boats used the section from Arun to Fittleworth following improvements made to the Arun in 1615, and after the Arun Navigation was completed in 1790, the Earl of Egremont made the river navigable up to Midhurst by constructing eight locks and some small cuts. The work was completed in 1794, and many of the bridges built at that time still survive. With the opening of the Mid-Sussex Railway branch to Midhurst in 1859, traffic declined, and commercial use of the river had ceased by the 1880s.

The Peleton then rode to Lodsworth whose residents are middle aged privileged white folk and the internet data on this place will send you to sleep – therefore Binkychat A&E™ suggests if you have read this far, and are still interested in what happens next – you need to get a life.

So anyways the peleton goes up Bexley Hill and down the hill that usually goes up, disturbed an owl, rode past Midhurst Castle and frankly who gives a sh*t what the internet says about it.

Then into the pub, and as per usual great food, and company, and here are the scores on the doors…

All of the above has been provided by Binkychat A&E™ and no liability is accepted for any inaccuracies or offence caused to anyone.

I love you all ♥

Smashie

BINKY BYKEKNUT – A Cycling legend answers your questions using Binkychat A&E™

In this feature, Binky will fearlessly tackle any personal or technical issues you might have (these can be submitted via the SHABI Whatsapp group) using Artificial Intelligence

Dear Binky,

Please help.

I am about to go on an epic ride in Wales and I want me and the bike to look our best. How do I clean my bike?

Yours looking for love

F of Crondall

Dear F,

There are two basic philosophies:

1. Don’t clean your bike and when it gets dirty buy a new one OR

2. Wash your bike.

a. Wash your bike

Place your bike in a bike stand or against an outdoor wall. Some riders prefer pressure washers but plenty just use a plain old garden hose.

Either way, be careful where you spray pressurized water, as it can damage the bearings on your bike and seals on your suspension. Avoid spraying it directly into suspension pivots, the bottom bracket, wheel hubs and headset, as well as into the outer cable housing.

For the initial wash, coat your bike in water and try to dislodge any large pieces of dirt or mud that are stuck. Full-suspension bikes can be harder than hardtails to clean since they have more complicated frame designs and thus more places for dirt and grime to hide.

b. Soap it up

There’s nothing wrong with using a standard dishwashing soap on your bike, as some brands are actually pretty good at removing grease and grime. Otherwise, there are tons of bike-specific soaps and washes. Either way, it’s a good idea to only use soap or wash that is biodegradable.

There are a number of options for how to apply the soap and scrub it around, ranging from a simple rag to specific brushes. Many brands offer their bike washes in spray bottles, which makes things easier.

Apply the soap, and then scrub with a non-abrasive brush. There are also smaller, more abrasive brushes that are designed specifically for the drivetrain, as well as heavier degreasers that can be used for deeper cleaning days.

A soft brush can be used to dislodge hard to remove bits of dirt

c. 3. Rinse it clean

Once everything is nice and soapy, all you have to do is spray the bike off with the hose again. You might choose to go over some spots with soap again to get rid of any stubborn dirty patches.

When rinsing off the bike, it’ll be easier if you go from top to bottom. All of the soapy, grimy water will drip downwards, so this ensures that nothing is left behind, and your drivetrain is squeaky clean.

d. Dry it off

If you leave your bike wet for a long period of time, the metal parts might start to rust, which is obviously not the best for your bike.

Some people prefer to dry their bike with a towel, or others might just ride it around the block for a few minutes. On a sunny day, it won’t take long to dry. Giving the bike a wipe down with a cloth will help clean up any residue and give a better finish.

Don't forget to dry and lube your chain to avoid corrosion

e. Lube where required

You've just scrubbed all the oil off your drivetrain, so it’s important to lube it again.

The general process for lubing a chain is to apply oil to the entire length of the chain, and then wipe off any excess so it doesn’t attract dirt. Start at the master (joining) link and apply lube to the inside of the chain.

Be careful not to add too much lube as this will waste it and create unnecessary mess. It's also vital you don't get any on your disc rotors as this will permanently contaminate them along with the brake pads. Different lubes have different curing times, so make sure you read the instructions on the bottle of your chain lube of choice.

f. Finishing touches

This step is totally optional, though many riders like to include it. Once your bike is clean and dry, you might want to finish it off with a buff and shine, using some kind of bike polish. They usually contain some sort of wax which helps to repel water and help stop mud sticking to your frame during future rides, and leaves your bike looking shiny and new.

With a nice clean bike, it’s now easy to do any maintenance jobs such as adjusting those brakes that keep rubbing.

It’s also good practice to periodically check the bolts on your bike to make sure nothing has come loose. If everything looks good, then you can now enjoy a clean, quiet ride.

Hope this helps.

Binky