• LBD

15 June, Nick's Ride, (11,16)

Updated: Jul 13

Dear SHABIs,


Tues ride was the 2nd annual memorial ride for Nick Olliffe


Background:

18 June 2019, on a SHABI ride from the Links, our good friend Nick Olliffe (aka Sir Fall A lot), sadly collapsed and died during the ride, of heart complications. This obviously shook everyone, whether present on the ride or not. For those who were there and played their part to try and save Nick, they were hugely impacted by what happened, and often reflect on that night - and more broadly on how fragile life really is.


Nick Olliffe, Wales SHABI Trip 2019


The 5 Peaks Challenge

Pre-Ride:

So cometh the hour, cometh the Social Worker in a uniform, yes it was Chuff who took the lead to RM the SHABI’s on the 5 Peaks Challenge. For those who don’t know, Chuff has recently had a socially enforced job role change at work, now accountable to the unelected ‘Twitter and Facebook anonymous moderators branch’, where he is responsible for pretending to investigate evidence of anything anyone has ever said or done, or thought about at any point in their lives. Then pretend to try and find a match with someone could potentially claim to be offended by it, in the here and now.


So good is Chuff at pretending to investigate crimes against feelings, that his theoretical arrest rate has already broken all previous actual arrest records. However, with zero actual arrests to date, he narrowly missed out on being nominated for The Queen's Woke Medal (QWM) for policing morality.


“So what is his reward?” - I can almost imagine you asking. Well thanks for asking, Chuff now has a new hat (see below) and permission to daub his social worker uniform with anything that signals his allegiance with any group of his choosing. If anyone has a spare pin/badge Chuff will be delighted to add it to his collection. Chuff we salute you, (in a strictly non-patriarchal dominance hierarchy type way)



The annual Liphook 'Bumfunk' Pride March. #bumfunk

On that note, if anyone has any knowledge of the whereabouts of ‘Brian Conway’ last seen calling LBD a ‘Scouser’ in the playground C.1981, please contact Chuff immediately, as LBD (Yorkshire) is expecting to be awarded damages for historical ‘Identity Ignorance’.


NB. do not approach Brian – leave it to the professionals. During lockdown, Chuff attended a 90 min Zoom call and is now an expert on pretending to re-open cold case files of ‘Non-Crime Hate Incidents’.


As for the SHABIS – trying to decide if being offensive is an actual offence, (in Law), requires so much thinking that most of the SHABI’s have given up trying. Luckily for everyone, we all continue to talk boll*ks, and take it in turns to choose not to be offended. If we ever find ourselves contemplating taking offence, we simply remember that if it wasn’t for the SHABIS, we’d barely leave the house.


Don’t forget we are also in the privileged position of having our very own H+S / Risk Assessment Officer, who has checked with his legal team in their Sydney office in New Zealand. They have been advised not to give out any advice just in case they offend anyone in 2044. Thankfully our H+S Officer regularly ignores this advice.



Speaking of 'people pleasers', it was Big Ring’s turn to display his own ‘Preference Falsification’ to anyone who was looking in the car park. None of the SHABIS noticed, they were too busy trying to remember if it was bin night, and if so, which bin?


Relief for all, as the audience of Gen Z’s in the beer garden did notice BR, and gave an approving nod to what he was doing, although they weren’t 100% certain if he was ‘taking the knee’, or simply adjusting his rainbow laces before the ride. Either way, an important box had been ticked, so with LBD and Faffy as self-appointed DRM’s, we were of