6 Apr, Grayshott, (6,4,16)

Dearest SHABI’s

Imagine the bucolic country scene of quiet tranquillity on a sunny, but cloudy, spring day and the all-conquering, mass murdering, military strongman Genghis Khan steps outside his back door in his pink bunny rabbit onesy to check the weather using his tried and tested methodology.

First he checks the wind direction, then how erect the daffodil stems, then which direction the cows are lying, and then the final determinant – look at his Apple phone. Yep – its going to be a heatwave and worried that his camelback cannot carry sufficient fluid decides not to ride – just this once.

Genghis refuses to download the latest update for his weather device

So Smashie was all alone in the Travelling Community van with a spare wheel for Faff who had suffered a pall spring failure. First a wheel swap in a windswept car park on the top of the Deveils punchbowl and then RV in a dodgy car park in Grayshitt – its Strangely Brown’s manor so all were afraid – very afraid.

A brilliant six riders assembled including; Tarmac St J, Capt FB, LBD, Daisy, Strangely, Tonka, Slumpy, Faff, Slasher and RM Smashie. We set off in rather chilly conditions and Strangely is tasked with taking us from Grayshitt to Hindhead but by an off-road route. It all started so well with great downhill and a technical uphill section. We emerge in Old folk care home land and take a tour of the expensive house driveways. Some suspect Strangely was “looking for trouble” but none was found and it started to snow – quite a blizzard in fact. CFB had quite an accumulation on his helmet.

It's T shirt weather lads!

Anyway after a lot of messing about we get to Hindhead and Smash takes over as RM. It’s downhill all the way and what a blast it was – this why we go mountain biking – smiles all around.

Faff is generally dismissive of “hard tail” bikes and so CFB and Smash, both on Bird Hardtails, vow to never let Faff borrow one.

Then its onto Hitlers Bunker via Hankley Common and there are tales of the films that have been produced form this location; Gladiator the opening battle scene with the romans vs the Germans (another one of Dobbie’s translation mishaps – “we come in peace” got translated as “kill the bastards” and it all went pete tong from there) , Dr No - the beach scene with Ursula Andress, Skyfall with James Bond and M gets a bit stabbed, etc etc

Skyfall Audition


We then head on towards the golf course and Slumpy gets a puncture. Now put down your food and drink – this next bit is horrible. Image a small plastic bag full of slugs. Then imagine the slugs have been squashed but are still half alive. Now imagine putting your hand into the bag of half dead slugs to detect a thorn that might be the cause of the puncture.